Whoop….there it is…

Hello My Lovelies!

Do you ever have a Fabulous Friday and then in a matter of thirty seconds it comes crashing down?

Amazing how that happens isn’t it? Well…it happened.

I was enjoying my half day off yesterday and looking forward to my date this weekend with Montana. We had planned to go to the Big Mo drive-in movie theatre to see Jungle Book and Captain America after I got off work Saturday.

It’s been such fun with him over the last six weeks and I was excited that I FINALLY seemed to have made it past the second date disaster zone that seems to be my struggle in life. We had the best date last weekend. He and Koda came and surprised me on Sunday and we had plans for this weekend.

I have been very careful about not getting too emotionally invested.  My sister is always telling me I fall too hard and too fast for people that I need to take some lessons from the Ice Queen. I guess that’s the artist emotional side of me…but I had been mindful to guard my emotions and my heart. This was the first week I allowed myself to be happy and get a little bit excited.

I was sitting on my couch yesterday afternoon watching Chicago PD (I’m slightly obsessed with the whole Chicago series…PD, MED, Fire…) and my phone went off. I knew by the ringtone it was Montana.

Excited, I picked up my phone expecting it to be about our date tomorrow….only to read this:

Hey, I need to tell you something. Billy (bar owner of Coates) introduced me to a gal earlier this week. Her and I kind of hit it off and I don’t know…something about it seemed like a pretty good connection. I hate to do this because I enjoy our time together. But I don’t want you waiting around for me and missing out on some other guy. I’m going to see where things go with her because I feel like I can see things further down the road with her. I don’t know how to explain it to make it sound any better. Just how I feel I guess. I’m really sorry….. :(

Yeah…not what I was expecting at all.

I replied: Thanks for letting me know.

A few minutes later, I got another text telling me he just didn’t feel right not saying anything at all. He then proceeded with the whole “You’re going to find an amazing guy who will love all of the fabulous things about you. I’m just sorry it wasn’t me…”

Ha…

I wasn’t devastated but it did hurt….I cried a little….It’s been a year since MB and I broke up (crazy how time flies huh?). I’ve been very selective about who I have gone on dates with since. I wasn’t looking to have my heart broken again, but I guess that’s the risk you take when you go on a date huh?

So I did what any girl would do…went shopping…then had a tearful moment after I checked out because all I was holding was a bag of cat food and toilet paper…

Thankfully my Berkley bestie was working the bar at Longhorn and I happened to have a Darden gift card thanks to my awesome momma. So I sat at the bar (my parents would be appalled), eating chicken tenders (sometimes you just have to say screw healthy food) and watching the Braves game. Told my story to the two hilarious ladies sitting beside me who were appalled that he had texted that and laughed with them about life for awhile. The man sitting on the other side of me with his wife overheard and told me before they left that it was pretty lame and sh*** for a guy to do that and that I was better off without him.

My other bestie was sweet enough to drive back to town to sit with me for awhile. She is the best! I am thankful for her listening ear and hugs and I’m glad we are kindred spirits.

So after the tears, the anger, the what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-me moment…I realized there is nothing wrong with me. Mind boggling….

I always tend to blame myself when things go wrong. But I can’t do that. I have to accept that just because he chose that ending for our story doesn’t mean that I messed the story up.

So I think it’s time I stop trying to take control of my love story and let God do His thing. It is the one area in my life that I struggle to give Him complete control. I want it to happen now. I love my single life. I love the things He allows me to do, but I want to share that with someone. I want to have my own family to come home to at the end of the day. I want the kind of love my grandparents shared for 55 years.

So thanks Montana for reminding me that what I want, wasn’t what I had.

XoXo!

One Sweatpants Wearing Lemon

 

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To All My Single Ladies….

Hello My Lovelies!

How are you my darlings? I’m better! I’ve dried my sniffles, thrown out the empty gelato containers and dusted my Cheetos covered booty off.  Whew. Breakups suck! Really…they do. I don’t know how you handle them but for me..it’s Netflix and running, chocolate and tea, and a whole lot of nose blowing.

I’m six weeks back into the land of “single” and not quite to the “singe and ready to mingle” stage. But as I’ve been entering back into my single lady life, I’ve been astonished at some things I’ve heard and seen. We live in a society that beats single girls up. My goodness..it’s like they think there is something wrong with us.

It seems like the older I get the more people begin to think of you differently if you’re not “in a relationship”. Why does our society alienate successful, independent single women? Why do they constantly make us feel inferior to the stay-at-home moms of the world?

Let me tell you a secret my dears….there is NOTHING wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. There is NOTHING wrong with being alone. And why should we settle for guys who lack emotional empathy, who don’t make us a priority, and who don’t have an ambition in life? We shouldn’t! And society can kiss grits. They shouldn’t negate our choice to wait for the guy who has 86 out of 86 qualities on our list. (Yes, I have a list…do you have a list?)

But there is a part of being single that gets me…. it’s single’s little friend loneliness. I’ve come to learn a few things during the last five weeks of life post-MB.

1 – Being “alone” does not equal loneliness.

Loneliness is a choice. It’s a state of mind and has nothing to do with the amount of people around you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood in a room, completely surrounded by people and felt entirely lonely. So often, I feel like I’m invisible. If you read my blog post at the beginning of the year you might remember that it was one of my goals this year to stop being invisible. (I’m so good at it though!! They should make me a spy or something…) But I’ve learned that if people around me don’t understand, appreciate, or love me – I might as well be alone. But don’t be hasty! Do not confuse a girl’s marital status with her ability to connect and spend time with people.

2 – There is something special about a girl who can enjoy the company of her self.

As women, we are often identified by our roles.

 

Don’t get me wrong. Being a sister, a daughter, a graphic designer, and a friend are all important roles. But, they should not define ME, because those roles can change at any time in my life. Spending time alone allows you the time to discover whom you are deep down inside, outside of the roles you hold.

This is sooooo important! Because let’s face it. As women, we carry weight. The weight of our families, the weight of our jobs, the weight of our children, we do work ladies!

As a happy healthy single woman, I’m not desperately seeking “a relationship”. Neither and I seeking the company of the first guy who approaches me. As healthy single girls, we understand that this is a valuable time of our life! I may soon not have time like this again. It’s a chapter we should relish and enjoy, instead of loathe.  Because let’s be real…you marry prince charming, you have his baby…and you lose the time you have to discover who you are and your alone time is condensed to those five minutes in the shower while praying the baby doesn’t wake up.  Our time become somewhat non-existent.

There are several reasons I envy married women, and there are several reasons I do not.

Would I love to be married someday? You better believe it! Do I see the joy and benefits of having a happy hubby to come home to at the end of the day? I do. But I also have been thrown head first into the deep end of the other side. I’ve seen the burdens women carry. I’ve seen the pain of a marriage dissolving. I’m willing to welcome the joy and the pain, but right now I’m in no hurry to rush it. Society can just get over their social “norms”.

There’s this misguided notion/misconception that single women do not like couples.

BONK! So false. The healthy happy single woman is not hunting for “your man” and we are not bitter that you have a man (okay the mast majority of us aren’t..there are a few..). It’s the same way that a married woman or a taken woman can be happy for others. Being single DOES NOT equate to being bitter. (Read about Ruth..she rocked being a single widow.)

Why do I love being single?  Solitude allows me the time to discover what my true values are, and see things at a deeper level. It helps me tap into the things that are really important in my life.

My goal as a single woman is to not getting caught up on the small things. I want to use this chapter of my life to the best of my ability. I’m just trying to be around positive people with good vibes :)

Overall, the truth of the matter is this: Single women are single because they want to be. Some may want the companionship of a man, but we are not settling. It does not mean we have unrealistic standards. It just means our time has not come yet. Does society ever judge the single “dudes”? Nope. They commend them for making it to 30 and not “settling” down. Humph…

So my lovelies! Don’t let society push you into believing the stereotypes and the misconceptions of being a single woman.

Instead, take this time, this chapter to get to know the people around you for who they are. Surround yourself with joyful people, and you my dear will be a joy to be around :)

 

So you’re trucking along in this single chapter, here’s a note of love. DO NOT…I repeat….DO NOT feel pressured to explain your relationship status to anyone. Honestly, it’s none of their business. Just enjoy this chapter. Enjoy time. There will come a time in your life when you won’t be able to dash out and grab coffee with your girls. If you decided you want to change your relationship status do so, but do it at your own pace. At the end of the day we have to be happy with our lives. So my lovelies, DO NOT feel guilty, pressured or ashamed. You are BEAUTIFUL!

Love,

One Happy Single Lemon

Life is Beautiful

Life-Is-Beautiful

Hi Lovelies :)

This week God has constantly been reminding me how worthy I am of His love. For so long, I’ve felt broken and ugly..How could He want something so broken? He reminded me. Because I AM WORTHY. Worthy! I don’t often feel like I am..but as I continue to work my way through our Bible Study, I see assurances. He showed me in Psalm 139 that I am worthy….I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of a Father whose love NEVER changes. He cares for me, loves me, and I can always depend on his truth and not this roller coaster of feelings life throws me.

Last year was a roller coaster for me. I bought a house, remodeled a house, coached too much, stretched myself thin, struggled desperately in my first semester of graduate school, and wondered why no one loved me. I felt worthless. Rejected. Discarded.

As I battled through those fickle feelings, God was constantly drawing me closer to Him. You are beautiful my darling, He said. You are captivating, He whispered. How my heart longed to be those things. As I dug back into His word, I realized how I had failed to invest time into my relationship with Him. I had been going to church and reading my Bible, but somewhere in the chaos of my life…I had lost those still quiet moments with my Father.

The amazing thing…no matter how far I run, how little I invest, my Father stands there waiting with open arms when I need to run back to Him. Broken relationships can break a woman. I had been holding so tightly onto my heart for fear it would get broken again. Trust me, He whispered.

Tears filled my eyes. Never would my heavenly Father disappoint me. I slowly opened my hands and gave him the thing I treasure the most, my heart.

I had lost the girl I used to be. The one who loved Jesus with her every breath. The world holds no hope for me. The evil that seeps from it threatened to destroy me. I let go of all the hurt, anxiety, the layers of regret, the shame and embraced His love and the healing began.

I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am captivating. I am His.

There is power in the word of the Lord. He took my chaos and turned it into peace. He took my broken heart and made it new. He blessed me with the most amazing gift of all, His love.

I had one more thing clutched tightly in my hand..the reigns to my love story. But I was tired. Tired of looking for this fabled love. Tired. I turned back to my Father and said here, take these. I released the control that I had so tightly held for the last year.

I’ve often joked with my mom that I wished God would just drop a guy in my life and say, Hey Kat…here he is. I don’t know why I’m so surprised that He did just that. This new chapter in my life is amazing :)

All of those hopes, dreams and wishes I had been quietly recording in my journal for years are coming true. I can’t begin to tell you what a blessing having MB in my life is. I am amazed everyday at the beauty of his heart and his sweet smile. He reminds me so very often of how amazing I am. I am, I’ve realized, amazing. For the first time in my life, I’m embracing the beauty of what makes me…me. I should be amazing, I’m created in the image of a the most beautiful thing in the world, my heavenly Father. I thank Him daily for this six-foot five heap of blessing He’s brought into my life. I’m amazed at how intent MB is on pursuing my heart. He reminded me again last night that he’s not done with my heart to sit back and enjoy the journey.

This weekend we enter the next phase of our story. He’s meeting with my dad and praying for his blessing to pursue me. In another week, I meet his mom. I am constantly praying that I will be as much of a blessing to this man as he is to me. I am nervous to meet his mom! But so thankful she raised her son into this wonderful man of God. I couldn’t ask for anything more :)

Life is beautiful!

XoXo,

One Worthy Lemon

Weekend Wrap Up

Hi Lovelies!

Mmmmm…it’s a dreary Monday here. I’m sitting here in my bright yellow chair listening to the rain hit my windows. I love that tink tink tink sound! It’s so soothing.

This weekend has been crazy! But so good :) My heart is full and my cup runeth over. Friday was such a fun day! Several of my friends and I are doing a bible study called Keep It Shut. I must confess learning to zip my lip is becoming quite a challenge. I’ve discovered there is some icky stuff in my heart I’ve gotta get rid of. I’ve also discovered the less rested I am, the “witchier” I get. Note to self, sleep more, talk less.

Friday night was crazy! My dad and I installed my washer and dryer at my house :) It took us a minute but we finally got the hot and cold water figured out. No thanks to the contractor who put two blue knobs on the water lines…Dear sir, hot water line should be red always!! But alas…we figured it out by process of elimination.

We ran to Hibachi to grab some dinner because no one felt like cooking. It was a nice dinner with my parents. And I seldom say no when sushi is involved :) Afterwards, we ran into Lowe’s and of course my mom found some poor plants on the brink of death that she thought she could revive..and sent three home with me. I’ve got a darling little baby peace lily that has spruced up since I started watering it. A dear friend told me I should put it in an aquarium with a Betta fish (WHICH I LOVE!!!! I had one for 4 years..and my sister may have killed it…but we won’t go there..). I think I might go fish shopping after work tonight…

Saturday was fun! Matt and I met up with his sister and her fella (aka Matt’s best friend!) for breakfast at one of my favorite breakfast spots. Can I just say how much I treasure this sweet guy? He picked me up again, and I love it. I absolutely love it. I can’t begin to explain how much little stuff like that means to me. It’s absolutely amazing. I ordered my usual blueberry waffle with an egg. I know..I’m boring. But have you had a Belgian waffle with fresh blueberries? Ummm…delicious!

Breakfast was fun! I was nervous but his sister put me right at ease. Meeting the sister is always a tricky thing to me. I am a sister, I know how scary we sisters can be to the “new girlfriend”. Sometimes we’re secretly plotting your demise..sometimes we’re sweet…it’s a delicate thing. It was hilarious to watch Matt during breakfast. I think he turned seven shades of pink and red…too cute :)

After breakfast we ran back to my house for a quick study session with one of my MBA classmates. Then Matt suggested we go pick up my mirror since it was on sale and hit the thrift shop. (BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!!) A guy that loves thrift stores…this is bliss. We tooled around the thrift store and stumbled across some vintage cameras. I thought he was going to have to drag me away. I found a Brownie Hawkeye in working condition :)

il_570xN.97680470-480x384

Little nerd history about the Hawkeye! It was introduced by Kodak in May of 1949 and was discontinued in July of 1961. The 1950-61 models have an amazing flash attachment that connects to the outer left side with the HUGE bulb bowl.

It’s by far one of the most popular cameras ever made. Still fairly popular with photographers because of the unique image size 2.25×2.25..hummm kind of like Instagram…The one I bought is in great shape. I ordered some film from B&H and we’re gonna try this baby out soon :)

While we were thrifting, my mom called. We had a family emergence situation and I had to leave. Matt was so sweet :) I started apologizing for having to cut our day short and he simply said, Family comes first. Ahhhh….It’s so nice to have a special guy who completely understands that and lives by that.

My mom and I headed to Charleston to help. It was a hard weekend, but one that held a lot of healing and love. We came back Sunday night and I went over to Matt’s to spend time with his sister and her fella while cooking for the Super Bowl. We made Buffalo Chicken dip and Spinach Artichoke Bites (my all time fav!). MB’s sister made a really yummy salsa dip too! Matt brought us all a treat from work. He worked a double again this weekend, but thankfully they cut him early Sunday so I got to spend a few more hours with him.

He works at Longhorn Steakhouse on the weekends and they have the most amazing dessert called a Chocolate Stampede. Now I can’t really explain how awesome it is without a visual…

chocolate-stampede

Sheer bliss….

To tell you how awesome it is…they sell over 1 million of these babies each year. It’s that good folks :) I found a recipe for it this weekend. Whether I’ll be able to make it and it taste the same remains to be seen, but I’m always up for a culinary challenge.

We enjoyed splitting our chocolate stampedes while lamenting over the ending of the Super Bowl. For you Patriots fans…yeah yeah…congrats or whatever. For those of us pulling for Seattle…what was that last pass? Hello…

It was a really fun night getting to know Matt’s sister and watching the two of them interact. Too precious :)

So that’s a wrap of my weekend!

What was your favorite weekend moment?

XoXo,

One Chocolate Stuffed Lemon