To All My Single Ladies….

Hello My Lovelies!

How are you my darlings? I’m better! I’ve dried my sniffles, thrown out the empty gelato containers and dusted my Cheetos covered booty off.  Whew. Breakups suck! Really…they do. I don’t know how you handle them but for me..it’s Netflix and running, chocolate and tea, and a whole lot of nose blowing.

I’m six weeks back into the land of “single” and not quite to the “singe and ready to mingle” stage. But as I’ve been entering back into my single lady life, I’ve been astonished at some things I’ve heard and seen. We live in a society that beats single girls up. My goodness..it’s like they think there is something wrong with us.

It seems like the older I get the more people begin to think of you differently if you’re not “in a relationship”. Why does our society alienate successful, independent single women? Why do they constantly make us feel inferior to the stay-at-home moms of the world?

Let me tell you a secret my dears….there is NOTHING wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. There is NOTHING wrong with being alone. And why should we settle for guys who lack emotional empathy, who don’t make us a priority, and who don’t have an ambition in life? We shouldn’t! And society can kiss grits. They shouldn’t negate our choice to wait for the guy who has 86 out of 86 qualities on our list. (Yes, I have a list…do you have a list?)

But there is a part of being single that gets me…. it’s single’s little friend loneliness. I’ve come to learn a few things during the last five weeks of life post-MB.

1 – Being “alone” does not equal loneliness.

Loneliness is a choice. It’s a state of mind and has nothing to do with the amount of people around you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood in a room, completely surrounded by people and felt entirely lonely. So often, I feel like I’m invisible. If you read my blog post at the beginning of the year you might remember that it was one of my goals this year to stop being invisible. (I’m so good at it though!! They should make me a spy or something…) But I’ve learned that if people around me don’t understand, appreciate, or love me – I might as well be alone. But don’t be hasty! Do not confuse a girl’s marital status with her ability to connect and spend time with people.

2 – There is something special about a girl who can enjoy the company of her self.

As women, we are often identified by our roles.

 

Don’t get me wrong. Being a sister, a daughter, a graphic designer, and a friend are all important roles. But, they should not define ME, because those roles can change at any time in my life. Spending time alone allows you the time to discover whom you are deep down inside, outside of the roles you hold.

This is sooooo important! Because let’s face it. As women, we carry weight. The weight of our families, the weight of our jobs, the weight of our children, we do work ladies!

As a happy healthy single woman, I’m not desperately seeking “a relationship”. Neither and I seeking the company of the first guy who approaches me. As healthy single girls, we understand that this is a valuable time of our life! I may soon not have time like this again. It’s a chapter we should relish and enjoy, instead of loathe.  Because let’s be real…you marry prince charming, you have his baby…and you lose the time you have to discover who you are and your alone time is condensed to those five minutes in the shower while praying the baby doesn’t wake up.  Our time become somewhat non-existent.

There are several reasons I envy married women, and there are several reasons I do not.

Would I love to be married someday? You better believe it! Do I see the joy and benefits of having a happy hubby to come home to at the end of the day? I do. But I also have been thrown head first into the deep end of the other side. I’ve seen the burdens women carry. I’ve seen the pain of a marriage dissolving. I’m willing to welcome the joy and the pain, but right now I’m in no hurry to rush it. Society can just get over their social “norms”.

There’s this misguided notion/misconception that single women do not like couples.

BONK! So false. The healthy happy single woman is not hunting for “your man” and we are not bitter that you have a man (okay the mast majority of us aren’t..there are a few..). It’s the same way that a married woman or a taken woman can be happy for others. Being single DOES NOT equate to being bitter. (Read about Ruth..she rocked being a single widow.)

Why do I love being single?  Solitude allows me the time to discover what my true values are, and see things at a deeper level. It helps me tap into the things that are really important in my life.

My goal as a single woman is to not getting caught up on the small things. I want to use this chapter of my life to the best of my ability. I’m just trying to be around positive people with good vibes :)

Overall, the truth of the matter is this: Single women are single because they want to be. Some may want the companionship of a man, but we are not settling. It does not mean we have unrealistic standards. It just means our time has not come yet. Does society ever judge the single “dudes”? Nope. They commend them for making it to 30 and not “settling” down. Humph…

So my lovelies! Don’t let society push you into believing the stereotypes and the misconceptions of being a single woman.

Instead, take this time, this chapter to get to know the people around you for who they are. Surround yourself with joyful people, and you my dear will be a joy to be around :)

 

So you’re trucking along in this single chapter, here’s a note of love. DO NOT…I repeat….DO NOT feel pressured to explain your relationship status to anyone. Honestly, it’s none of their business. Just enjoy this chapter. Enjoy time. There will come a time in your life when you won’t be able to dash out and grab coffee with your girls. If you decided you want to change your relationship status do so, but do it at your own pace. At the end of the day we have to be happy with our lives. So my lovelies, DO NOT feel guilty, pressured or ashamed. You are BEAUTIFUL!

Love,

One Happy Single Lemon

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My Word for 2014

I’d never heard of Mike Ashcraft and My One Word before this year. After reading more about it, I decided that it was something I needed to do.

STEP 1: Determine the kind of person you want to become

I want to become a beautiful, delightful woman of God. After struggling for so long these past 2 years, I want to let go of the bitterness in my soul and embrace the delight that’s living in my heart.

Step 2: Identify the characteristics of that person

A delightful woman..Who is she? What does she look like? I believe she radiates and inner beauty that shines and shimmers in a way that cannot be emulated by modern make up. I believe a woman of delight laughs! A lot :) She is a woman you crave to be around because she brings joy to your soul.

Step 3: Pick a word

My word for 2014 is Delight :)

Delight
Psalm 37:4 says delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. I want to learn to delight in my Savior. I want to delight and emulate His character, His nature, His creation, His love and His beauty. I want to delight in my job, my family, my friends and my relationship with my Abba.
Will you join me? What will be your word for 2014?
XoXo!
One Delightful Lemon

To The Best 1st Date Ever

Dear Best 1st Date Ever,

Thank You :) I had given up hope that guys like you existed. I was tired of the endless disappointments, the boring dinners and the lame excuses. I was pleasantly surprised when you called and asked me to dinner. I didn’t know that guys knew how to do that anymore. You talked me all the way home that night as I drove. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It’s always a text here or a text there but you made a point to call and chat everyday after that.

You made the plan. I loved that :) You asked me what night worked for me and worked around my schedule. You made sure I was comfortable by letting me meet you at the restaurant. You dressed up for dinner and I thought my little heart was going to burst from happiness.

You escorted me in as if I was the most precious thing in the world to you and that night I felt like I was. It was the little things like your hand on my back guiding me, asking my opinion on the dinner specials and your undivided attention that spoke volumes to me. Never had I been so comfortable around an alpha male.

We chatted through dinner without missing a beat :) not once did I have to consult my topic list I had secretly stashed in my bag. You never looked at your phone or watch :) You were on brownie point overload by this point. Nothing phased you :) not my annoying ex-friend two tables over, the boy from your team stopping to say hey or the waitress busting a whole tray of dishes at our feet.

You made me realize that a great guy is worth every second of the wait. In the two years I dated my ex, I never felt like I did that night. You looked at me and that smile lit up my world.

You told me you weren’t ready for the night to end and I knew I wasn’t ready either :) you suggested froyo and I knew you said it because I was crazy about it. Off we went only to get there and discover it was full. But that didn’t stop us :) We sat on the tail gate of my truck in the freezing weather and chatted until we were both shivering. You scooted closer to keep me warm and I loved it :) The moment you kissed me I swear time stood still. It was beyond amazing…

Today you begin an amazing journey. You’re off to start a new job so much closer too home base. I’m so excited for you! You didn’t settle and look where it took you :) I have loved seeing that smile appear more and more over these last few months.

So thank you! You’ll always have the best first date ever in my book :)

XoXo ~ Katherine