Life is Beautiful

Life-Is-Beautiful

Hi Lovelies :)

This week God has constantly been reminding me how worthy I am of His love. For so long, I’ve felt broken and ugly..How could He want something so broken? He reminded me. Because I AM WORTHY. Worthy! I don’t often feel like I am..but as I continue to work my way through our Bible Study, I see assurances. He showed me in Psalm 139 that I am worthy….I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of a Father whose love NEVER changes. He cares for me, loves me, and I can always depend on his truth and not this roller coaster of feelings life throws me.

Last year was a roller coaster for me. I bought a house, remodeled a house, coached too much, stretched myself thin, struggled desperately in my first semester of graduate school, and wondered why no one loved me. I felt worthless. Rejected. Discarded.

As I battled through those fickle feelings, God was constantly drawing me closer to Him. You are beautiful my darling, He said. You are captivating, He whispered. How my heart longed to be those things. As I dug back into His word, I realized how I had failed to invest time into my relationship with Him. I had been going to church and reading my Bible, but somewhere in the chaos of my life…I had lost those still quiet moments with my Father.

The amazing thing…no matter how far I run, how little I invest, my Father stands there waiting with open arms when I need to run back to Him. Broken relationships can break a woman. I had been holding so tightly onto my heart for fear it would get broken again. Trust me, He whispered.

Tears filled my eyes. Never would my heavenly Father disappoint me. I slowly opened my hands and gave him the thing I treasure the most, my heart.

I had lost the girl I used to be. The one who loved Jesus with her every breath. The world holds no hope for me. The evil that seeps from it threatened to destroy me. I let go of all the hurt, anxiety, the layers of regret, the shame and embraced His love and the healing began.

I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am captivating. I am His.

There is power in the word of the Lord. He took my chaos and turned it into peace. He took my broken heart and made it new. He blessed me with the most amazing gift of all, His love.

I had one more thing clutched tightly in my hand..the reigns to my love story. But I was tired. Tired of looking for this fabled love. Tired. I turned back to my Father and said here, take these. I released the control that I had so tightly held for the last year.

I’ve often joked with my mom that I wished God would just drop a guy in my life and say, Hey Kat…here he is. I don’t know why I’m so surprised that He did just that. This new chapter in my life is amazing :)

All of those hopes, dreams and wishes I had been quietly recording in my journal for years are coming true. I can’t begin to tell you what a blessing having MB in my life is. I am amazed everyday at the beauty of his heart and his sweet smile. He reminds me so very often of how amazing I am. I am, I’ve realized, amazing. For the first time in my life, I’m embracing the beauty of what makes me…me. I should be amazing, I’m created in the image of a the most beautiful thing in the world, my heavenly Father. I thank Him daily for this six-foot five heap of blessing He’s brought into my life. I’m amazed at how intent MB is on pursuing my heart. He reminded me again last night that he’s not done with my heart to sit back and enjoy the journey.

This weekend we enter the next phase of our story. He’s meeting with my dad and praying for his blessing to pursue me. In another week, I meet his mom. I am constantly praying that I will be as much of a blessing to this man as he is to me. I am nervous to meet his mom! But so thankful she raised her son into this wonderful man of God. I couldn’t ask for anything more :)

Life is beautiful!

XoXo,

One Worthy Lemon

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Becoming a Titus woman..

IMG_1205I LOOOOOVE first Tuesday :) Because first Tuesday means that at 7pm beautiful ladies converge upon Rebecca’s house for Bible study. There is something about snuggling into the couch with 10 other girls…women rather..my age and getting into the word. I know I don’t talk a lot about my faith on my blog, and forgive me, because I feel that I’m doing you an injustice by not talking about it. It’s a crucial part of my being, who I am, who I want to be.

The past few months we’ve been studying the book of Titus, specifically chapter 2. I never knew that so much wonderful info could be hiding in those three little chapters Paul wrote to Titus while he was at Crete.

We’ve been talking about the roles of the older and younger women in the church. I’ve always wondered why the older women aren’t more involved with the younger. I love them! They are a wealth of information and wisdom. My heart longs to sit under their teaching, but never do they seem interested in teaching a younger woman. I’ve resolved that even though I am young, I am still “older” than the youth and it’s my responsibility to pour myself into them. Being in a season of singleness is wonderful! I have so many opportunities to do things I won’t be able to do when I move into the role of wife and keeper of my home. But more on that later!

Last night we were a little on the small side, but that just makes it more intimate in my opinion. It’s beautiful to see the barriers and walls come down as we share our hearts with each other..barefoot and crisscrossed in the living room. We dug right back in where we had left off last night.

What is the role of “older” women in the church? We are to be teachers of good things. Good things..what does that mean? Things that are virtuous, moral, admirable. We are to be sober-minded, we are to love our husbands and we are to love our children. With the exception of Rebecca, we are all single. You might say, well as a single girl, how does this apply to me?  A LOT! We are to be sober-minded, because let’s face it..you can’t make proper judgements or decisions when you aren’t sober-minded.

Be Discreet ~ As we continued on through Titus chapter 2, we talked about being discreet. To be a woman of discretion, one must demonstrate good judgement. As a single woman, I need to demonstrate good judgement in my speech, my actions, my desires and my impulses. This one hit close to home for me. I’ve been battling lately against the desires of my heart and the desires of my flesh. I long to be married, I long to be held and loved by my husband. We talked about our relationships with the opposite sex, and I thought to myself..if my husband reviewed my actions of the last 3 months would he be pleased with my actions or disappointed? I’m sad to say I think he would be hurt. I am to be refined, tactful, modest, have foresight and not be unrefined, brash, boisterous, immodest, tactless, lacking foresight, reckless and self-indulgent.

Be Chaste ~ As we broached this topic, I expected to see some discomfort in the room. I love that these girls don’t try to justify sexual purity. I love that Grant and Rebecca & Ryan and Jen draw a hard-line on this one. Ryan has continually challenged us in Sunday School..both the career and college class to set our generation apart. The world screams at us constantly. Think about it..when is the last time you watched something on TV that didn’t involve sexual intercourse? He had us list our “favorite” TV shows and then we examined them. The top five: How I Met Your Mother, Grey’s Anatomy, The Office, Southern Charm and Game of Thrones. I began to think..how many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy have I poured into my brain? If you want me to be completely honest, I haven’t missed an episode since the season 1 premier. Knowing this, I can tell you that there is nothing wholesome or godly about that show. It is loaded with casual sex, lewd behavior and marital infidelity. Game of Thrones? The first 3 episodes contain blatant sexual scenes. I was really convicted last night about my chastity. A chaste woman places a high priority on holy living because her heart longs to bring honor to God. I wept last night on the way home because I knew that this was something I greatly need to work on. I am to be pure, unpolluted and virtuous. I cannot be unpolluted if I’m pouring hours of ungodly tv shows into my brain or reading “romance” novels with impurity in them. I prayed for my husband. As much as I know that the world is bombarding me with sexual temptation..I know that for a man visual imagery is a road that is slippery. I thought about the billboards I’ve seen around town, about the magazine covers in the checkout line and about the TV shows that are popular..all of them contain immodestly dressed women. How I hope he has such godly men as Grant and Ryan in his life molding him into a warrior and husband to be for me.

Be Keepers at Home :) This has been a revelation for me. Our society today seems to be solely focused on the “career” woman. But the more I read and study, the more I am discerning that being a “career” woman isn’t what God had in mind. Being a keeper of a home isn’t meant to strip me of my dreams or aspirations, make me a maid or knitter..it’s God’s design for the home to run smoothly and efficiently. (This is not to say that a man can’t run a home efficiently because I know they can!) Men can do it..but it’s something women do immensely better. Think about it..God made guys to think about one thing at a time. They weren’t created to multitask. WE THRIVE on it :) As a single girl how does this apply to me? I don’t have a husband or a child..oh but it applies so much! You have to begin with the end in mind! I may be single now, but I plan to have a husband and if God wills children someday. As a single woman, I can do things to ensure that my husband and I have a smooth start. I can learn to clean a house quickly, prepare meals and live on a budget. Because otherwise, you will struggle. My cousin recently got married and his wife cannot cook at all. She has no concept of living on a budget as she spends her money as quickly as she made it. They have struggled greatly this first month of being married. I do not long for that. In preparing for marriage, I should be wise with my finances not accruing a lot of debt. I shouldn’t pursue a degree that will require long hours and ladder climbing. Because debt takes time to pay off, working long hours damages your marriage and ladder climbing means choosing whether you are going to be submissive to your husband or your boss.

We’ve been talking a lot about being “submissive” to your husband. This has always been a hard concept for me..in my mind I equate it with weakness. But it’s not being weak at all. It’s being so strong. Rebecca has been an amazing model of this in my life. Being submissive doesn’t mean that I don’t get a say or an opinion. It simply means that although my husband and I discuss things..ultimately the decision is his to make and I respect the choice he makes. Will I always agree? Probably not..but how can I learn this if I’m not married? God gave me two amazing “keepers” until my husband arrives..my parents. I can practice my submissiveness to my parents. I can tell you that at 26 it is becoming more and more difficult. We also talked about being submissive to your boss at work. I realized that I need to be more submissive. While I may know that an idea may not work or look like it should, I need to be respectful of my boss and the decisions he makes.

Being a keeper of a home is one of the greatest jobs a woman can ever have. It’s hard work, but so fulfilling. It requires the ability to multitask, manage, submit, get dirty..and the list goes on :) It’s a job that requires you to completely give of yourself if you want to do a good job. All of these things are necessary to maintain the order and tranquility of your home in order for it to truly be a “home”.

As I prepare to have my own home in a few weeks..I pondered on the meaning of “home”. Home is a place where I can come to rest, rejuvenate, acquire necessary skills and resources to be effective in the world. The same should be true for my family. Our home should be a place of refuge for my husband..a place he can come after working all day and be received with love and respect. As the “keeper” of my home, it is my job to guard it. When my children come, it will be my job to make sure they are supervised. I am to keep watch over them until the time arrives for them to marry. When children are supervised, they are more productive and protected :) Until then, I desire to keep my home pure and holy. It is my home and I must guard what comes in. I want to be a woman of good repute in my neighborhood.

Whew..this sounds like a lot of work. It is! But don’t worry my dears :) It’s the best work we’ll ever do. We talked about seasons in life. I’m moving into a new season in my life. Each season contains different responsibilities and opportunities. We shared how as single women, we are able to minister to the married women with children. One thing Rebecca shared that really touched me was this..Don’t rush through the season! How many times am I guilty of wishing this “season” in my life would pass? I resolved to enjoy my life. So I’m single..big whoop :) I’m a soccer coaching, swimming teaching, preschool loving, amazing girl who gets to pour and pour into these young little minds who will one day (hopefully!) be sitting in my living room being poured into as Rebecca pours into me.

By manifesting these qualities, we will earn the respect of outsiders and bring glory and honor to God.

This is the moment I hate…the moment I know our time together has come to an end..these girls are becoming my dear friends. It’s been really hard to find friends who share my beliefs. Girls who are modest in their appearance and not using their bodies to lure men into their beds. It’s refreshing..I can’t tell you how refreshing.

To my husband, darling, I’m praying for you. You’ve been on my heart a lot lately. I have a feeling you’re near..but God’s telling me you’re not quite ready for me yet. Know that I love you so much. I can’t wait to pour this love I’ve been saving up into you. I’ve been praying for our home and life together. It’s going to be a beautiful day my love when I vow to love you for the rest of my life.

Until then, be strong.

XoX0,

One Ever Changing Lemon

Thankful Thursday!

It’s time for the happiest day of the week in my opinion! Thankful Thursday link ups with Crystal Michelle and Jenna Rae make my Thursdays :)

1 ~ Thankful for Doctors!

One of the blessing of being single is that I have opportunities that some married couples don’t always get. I’m able to pour into their children as I have none of my own. I’m able to coach, teach swim lessons and just love on these kids like crazy. I’ve been blessed so much that I love to bless others in return. God brought a very special girl into my life five years ago when my mom started teaching at a new school. The daughter of one of the other teacher’s, Raylee, and I quickly became coloring buddies. It wasn’t long before I taught Rae-Rae and her brother Ce-Ce how to swim. This year Raylee has been having seizures at an alarming rate. Something we’ve seen an increase in at my mom’s school. Unable to identify what is causing the seizures, our doctors here are sending her to Tennessee this week to a special clinic (where one of my mom’s other students has already been seen at this year.) So! I was thinking the other day about what could i do? I can’t go with her to Tennessee..but then God showed me something. Raylee’s out grown most of her clothes due to the medications. So Auntie K headed to TJ Maxx to get her Maxxinista on. I got Rae-Rae some warm pants, shirts and a sweater for her upcoming trip to the hospital :) Pink of course! So today I’m thankful for doctors who I’m believing are going to determine what is causing this precious girl to have so many seizures each day.

2~ Thankful for Budgets!

I have been so overwhelmed lately and wasn’t really able to identify why until I sat down one night and went over my finances. God has blessed me with an amazing career and my company takes excellent care of us. But I realized I was failing to be a good steward of what He was blessing me with. So after 3 hours of number crunching with my mom, I finally came up with a working budget that I can maintain. I’m on week two and already I have this huge sense of accomplishment and peace. I’ve been reading through Dave Ramsey’s book, Total Money Makeover, and it has been challenging! Another amazing blessing happened this week! I paid off my first student loan!!!!! Whew!! Mind you I have a few more to go but the feeling I got when it said: “Paid in Full” was amazing!! So today I’m thankful for my mom, for her patience, for a new budget and for financial security.

3~ Thankful for an Awesome Dad!

Tuesday I had a rough day. I was frustrated, ill and ready to punch somebody. I came back to my office after lunch to find a beautiful bromeliad sitting on my desk :) Now I’m not your typical girl..I could care less about red roses, strawberries and champagne. I love daisies (future hubby take notes), orchids and bromeliads. It made my day..my whole week actually :) He even left me a handwritten card and a five-spot for Starbucks!

So what are you thankful for this Thursday?

XoXo!

One Blessed Bromeliad Loving Lemon

Thankful Thursday!

It’s Thursday :) I’ve had a crazy week! But there are so many things I’m thankful for this week! I finally found a Thankful Thursday link up and I’m super excited about :)

1 ~ I’m finally Auntie K! My best friend brought a beautiful baby boy into the world yesterday :)

God’s love for us never ceases to amaze me! This tiny little baby with his tiny fingers and toes has stolen the hearts of all of us! Mind you he took his precious time making his grand debut! (Already a momma’s boy..running late as usual :) It amazes me that such a tiny creation can be born out of a love so beautiful. I’m a bit of a cynic sometimes when it comes to true love, but watching Heather and Hughes begin this journey has shown me what true love is like. It’s not always rainbows, its not always sunshine..sometimes it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Sometimes it’s facing your fears and running headfirst into them. The past nine months have taught me that true love is gloriously beautiful. It’s holding your wife’s hand and telling her she’s beautiful when she feels as big as a whale. It’s helping your best friend haul kayaks to the river because she can’t lift them :) It’s sneaking her big mac’s even when she knows she should probably be eating a salad :) It’s a love that I didn’t think existed anymore but you know what? It does! So thank you Father for showing me :)

Dear Oliver, I’m excited you’re finally here! I can’t wait to see how funny you’re going to be. I can’t wait to go kayaking with your mom and see how creative she’s going to get to sneak you along. I can’t wait to watch you grow :) I’m glad I get to be a part of your life little one! <3 Auntie K

2 ~ I’m thankful for a healthy best “dog” friend :)

I’ve been the proud mommy of an American Eskimo Spitz for almost 8 years. Holly’s birthday is next month and my sweet girl will turn 8 years old. It seems like just yesterday I was begging my daddy to let me keep this tiny little white ball of fur.  Holly found me my senior year of high school. She was born to a family of 15 puppies and her mommy couldn’t keep her. Donna brought her to church one night and told me she was supposed to give her to me. I was sooo excited :) Of course it took a little sweet talking to convince my daddy but we did. I named her Holly Noelle. She was the cutest little thing with her black bandana with holly berries on it (hence her name..I was so creative). We’ve had so many great years together and I know I’ve only got a few left with her. We headed to the vet this week because she’s been sick for about a week now running a fever off and on. Yes, your dogs can have a fever people! Sure enough, goober had an infection and needed some meds. She did so well at the vets office! Holly is very “anti-boys” as we have a mostly female “pack” at our house. Sometimes it takes a minute for me to convince her the lab tech isn’t trying to do her bodily harm. Thankfully the Lord provided a fabulous one who wasn’t the least bit put off by her growling. We spent an entire year in obedience training last year because she bit the lab tech at the other vet’s office, but that’s a whole ‘nother story :) So I’m thankful that my baby is on the mend and will be feeling better soon!

3~  I’m thankful for new running shoes!

I am thankful for new running shoes that make my feet happy :) They’re kind of picky. So even though I’m barred from running for 5 more weeks until they get my ankle straightened out..I know I can start back with style thanks to my new Skora’s.

4~  I’m thankful for new books to read!

I am a book-a-holic :) I’m thankful for thrift stores 6 minutes away from work that provide endless lunch break amusement for me. I’m thankful for their 3 books for a $1 :) I’m thankful for authors who take time to write books I love! I love Rachel Gibson books..Her quirky sense of humor never fails to make me lol in real life :)

5~  I’m thankful for FALL!

I LOVE FALL WEATHER! It’s my favorite season of the year :) With kids jingle belling and everyone yelling..I love boots and scarves and sweaters and snuggles on the couch :) I’m thankful I get to sport my knee high boots and scarf to work today :) I’m thankful for friends to ride to the fair with tonight! I’m thankful for caramel apples and funnel cakes…I’m just thankful today!

XoXo!

One Very Blessed Lemon