Some days are yellow,
Some days are blue.
Today I paint myself a mix of the two.
I’m sad and I’m happy,
How can I be both?
I wanna cry,
I wanna find a hole to hide,
To make all this pain disappear from my insides.
But where do I go..
Where do I hide..
I feel like I’m dying inside..
Everywhere is grey.
No yellow breaking through today.
How do I know when it’s time for a change?
Time to let this part of my life fade away.
To close the chapter and start anew..
Dream different dreams, follow a new moon?
Tell me please…
How do I know?
Whether to fight or give up on the show?
To stand..and take hold of the hand..
To run..away from the sun..
I want to hide,
Shrink deeply inside.
I can’t find the light,
I’m desperate and scared.
This terror I feel..it’s too scary and real.
I’m out of control and I don’t know how to get it back,
I vomit, I hurl, My body curls.
I cower, and hide
my face hidden by night.
Tears run down my face,
making my refuge a damp place,
My body racks and tenses,
It’s pain overwhelming my senses.
It’s brutal this fear.
Tis taking over my life
How to kill it I desire to know..
before it consumes me so.
Well, I have been home for three days now. It hardly seems that the summer is almost over and I will heading back to school in less than three weeks. God did some amazing things in my life this summer. It has been neat to share stories among my friends and see how much God has done in the two months we’ve been apart serving Him. It was invigorating to hear how much God has moved. He truly had a plan in store for us this summer, and I’m glad we obeyed:)
I wrote in my journal a lot this summer as my time was not spent on the internet that much. I will try to get some of my stories up on my blog for you to read :)
Again, thanks for your prayer support! It was such a blessing to know people were praying for me:)
Today, Mrs. Nat had us over to her house for a bbq. It was great to be able to hangout with the kids all day. We played croquet, jumped on the trampoline, swam in Hayden’s pool, and did cartwheels :) It was nice and refreshing. I enjoyed the sunshine. I feel as if I have hardly seen it these past few weeks :) We had a great day and opportunities to talk to the kids one on one. God is doing some amazing things through the youth here. Pray for them! There are several who are very close to committing their lives to Christ. Pray that God gives us the words to say to lead them to the cross :) I know we are paving the way and planting seeds.
The Team – strength, endurance, homesickness(we are all missing home a bit), good health, and growth in our walk.
The community – for doors to open up for us to build relationships.
The church – for us to be an encouragement.
Pray for the other South Carolina team:) Kristie and Brandon fly home Tues, and Gillian and Nikki fly home Friday.
God is working:)