High Five for Friday..not feeling it today..

It’s Friday..whew..I made it. This week has been a struggle my lovelies. I’ve had to apologize to multiple people for my attitude and rudeness. I’m tired, I’m stressed out, I’m broken..yep broken. I feel like I fell off of a cliff and smashed into the water.

These past six weeks of talking with James have been amazing..I was finally beginning to think that maybe..just maybe..I had finally stumbled upon a man who knew how to treat a lady. We’ve been on several dates now..Last weekend we went to dinner and I have never had more fun or been treated as nicely as I was that night. All week he had been excitedly talking to me and counting down the days until he got to see me. FYI: we live 2.5 hours apart. He picked me up, he opened the car door, he opened the restaurant door, he guided me with a hand on my lower back..all the little things that make my heart skip beats. I wore my favorite dress, I had on wedges (which he loved) and  he made me feel like I was the only girl in the room. He looked so dashing in his button down shirt and dark jeans.

Dinner was wonderful :) He took me to a quaint restaurant off the beaten path that only locals go to. It was once an old post office and is now a refurbished post office turned restaurant. He had made a reservation, we had a wonderful table..it was the stuff a girl dreams about. We ate dinner by candle light..and I must say it was probably the most romantic dinner date I’ve ever gone on in my life. We ordered our dinner and chatted the night away. After dinner, he said he wasn’t ready for the night to end so we simply drove around Charleston looking at the lights and talking. He dropped me off with a goodnight beautiful and a kiss.

Sunday morning I woke up to a text message from James asking me if I was awake..at 5am. I replied back that I was and he said good, throw your hair up in that messy thing you do and let’s go eat waffles. At first I wanted to respond and say I really need a shower and time to fix my makeup/hair..but then I realized something…I’m a messy bun kinda girl. If my sister and I were going to breakfast at 5am, I would have done just that..thrown my hair up, put a hoodie on and rolled out the door. So that’s exactly what I did :) Put my hair up, pulled on a hoodie and said alright let’s go. There is something wonderful about a guy who lets you be yourself..the girl that likes to dress up and go to fancy restaurants and the girl who loves waffles and eggs at 5am. Breakfast was crazy fun. Really relaxed.. James took me to another hole-in-the-wall place and we laughed and had the best time over syrupy waffles and eggs (waffles are the way to my heart..). We talked until it was time for me to go help my sister move into CSU (she’s a big senior this year!) and I didn’t think anything was amiss. He hugged me, said he couldn’t wait to see me again, kissed me and said he’d call me later that night.

That was five days ago..not a text, not a call, nothing since. So all of these feelings of doubt and insecurity have come sweeping back in. What did I do wrong, how did I mess it up, why am I so stupid when it comes to boys..and the list goes on. It’s hard..hard to realize that someone might not feel the same way about you that you do about them (this girl is in pretty crazy like of this handsome Marine). I was so careful..careful to guard my little heart because it was afraid of this very thing..being trampled on again. I thought maybe this time it would be different. He’s older, more mature, has his life together..but I guess I was wrong…

I’m okay with a guy changing his mind about how he feels about you..but I’d like the courtesy of an acknowledgement about it. Please just politely call a girl and say..hey, these past few weeks have been great, but I don’t think this relationship is something I’d like to pursue. To me that is painful to hear, but I respect a man who shows a woman such  courtesy. Instead of blowing her off like she’s nothing…because I am not nothing…I am something.

These feeling of insecurity have been a battle this week. It’s something I have to work hard at. Being confident, strong and independent take work for me. I never want to be the “victim”..I was one once..and I never want to be in that dark place again…but this feels a whole lot like it…I was talking with my best friend Payden about it the other night..and he said something very profound: “Sounds like he’s not interested.” It hit me like a wall of brick. It hurt..I’ve invested 6 weeks of meaningful, personal conversation and several dates. But I realized I had two choices..I could be devastated about this..which I kind of am…or I can remember that I’ve lived 26 years of my life without this man in it and I was just fine.

Now, if I’m wrong..someone comment back and let me know…But for now, I’ll take 5 days of absolutely no contact as his way of saying: “I’m not interested”. To answer the question of have I shown interest, yes, I have. However, I have been letting James initiate conversation. He’s been texting first, he’s been calling… I want to be pursued..I am not going to chase a man.

On top of dealing with all of these feelings of insecurity, which anger me, everyday I have to make myself look in the mirror (which I hate) and remember that I am a very accomplished 26 yr old female. I graduated from high school early with two diplomas, graduated from college with honors and two diplomas, have traveled the world, speak multiple languages..but at the end of the day…I’m still a lonely little girl hiding from the world between the pages of a book. I’ve been to counseling, I’ve tried joining new groups, making new friends, filling every hour of my day with something…but it still doesn’t take this cloak of loneliness away.

I have all these feelings running through my head and my heart 24/7..it’s like a bad dream you can’t wake up from..and the stress eating away at me. Work has been insane..I’ve felt like I couldn’t breathe all week. I love my job, I couldn’t ask for a better one..but this week it’s been a challenge to pull into work and put on a happy face. I don’t feel happy. I don’t want to act happy. I don’t want people to ask me how I am..because they really don’t care..they don’t. Have you ever noticed that if someone asks you how you are and you say you’re ok..they say that’s good and keep on walking? NO ONE CARES. I’ve sat in my office for five days, working extremely hard to get things done on time, coming in early and leaving late, listening to my music wishing for 5pm to get here faster. For the most part it’s like I live in a bubble for 8+ hours a day. It’s just me and music. There’s no one to eat lunch with because after being rejected invitation after invitation, I just stopped asking people. So I run. A lot. So hard that I can’t feel my legs. For an hour each day..it’s just me and my Nike’s killing pavement. Because it’s the only time I don’t feel alone…I feel alive.

Compound the stress of remodeling a house, packing to move, the whole James thing, loneliness and add graduate school onto it. Grad school has started and I’m loving/hating it all at the same time. I’m thankful I have an amazing best friend going through the program with me. He’s going to be my saving grace and I’m very well going to be his. I love Payden because he’s real. What you see is what you get. He took me to dinner after class Wednesday night so we could work on homework and looked at me. When I asked him why he was looking at me, he said tell me what’s wrong. He’s the only person this week that’s realized something was going on. It was refreshing to just talk. We talked until they kicked us out of the restaurant and then just sat in the parking lot talking and working on homework.

They should call grad school “sleep deprivation for the next two years of your life”. I have no idea how some of the people in my class do this. They have families, little children and full-time jobs. I’m single, have no kids (except a furry one), work full-time, coach and it’s kicking my butt. I fell asleep on my laptop the other night. I haven’t gone to bed until 1 or 2am every night trying to stay caught up on my homework and get ahead. Some nights I feel as if I’m reading Greek..but so far I’ve made all A’s on my assignments. So that’s been a positive this week.

All this to say..I’m having a really bad Friday and don’t want to give it a high five..but I’m going to make myself…here goes..

1 – I’m excited I’m actually finally in the MBA program. That in itself was a pretty big accomplishment for me :)

2 – I’m thankful I finally had one romantic dinner date.

3 – I’m excited that I finally get to move into my house this weekend :)

4 – I’m thankful for a brother that helps his sister paint her new house into the late hours of the night and helps her with accounting homework. One who forgives her when she takes out her anger at life out on him..one who hugs her and tells her she’s got this.

5 – I’m thankful that I have Monday off and can sleep all day if I want to.

 

So high-five for Friday finally being here :) What are you up to this holiday weekend my lovelies?

 

XoXo,

One Teary Eyed Lemon

Brotherly Love..12 miles and counting

Lupus runner, Jessie, is aided by big brother Jeffrey Russell as she runs to complete the Boston Marathon.
Lupus runner, Jessie, is aided by big brother Jeffrey as she runs to complete the Boston Marathon // Photo Courtesy of Yahoo! WBZ4

I love a happy news stories! Don’t you? I get really saddened when I all I hear and see on the news is “bad” news. Today I stumbled upon a story that brought tears to my eyes.

Last year, I ran a race with my brother on Thanksgiving and I really struggled. It’s the only race I’ve almost quit and not finished. (I never quit anything!). But in the extreme cold  the last mile stretch my little brother runs up behind me (he had long ago finished) and yelled at me. Yes, he yelled. He knows nothing makes me move faster or quicker than people telling me I can’t do something. Through tears, incredible pain and embarrassment, I ran. He prodded me, ran circles around me and yelled me into the finish line. I have never loved him more.

This story brought that memory to mind :) So many people followed the “big” names at the Boston Marathon, but behind the greats, I believe, was one of the greatest stories of all. A brother who loved his sister so much he ran the last 12 miles of Boston with her to enable her to finish her dream of running the Boston Marathon. But Jessie isn’t your typical runner! She was diagnosed with Lupus her junior year of high school and being out in the sun is extremely difficult for her.

Her brother, Jeffrey, knew that the sun would be a challenge for her. At mile 14, Jessie thought she might have to stop. She was pushing to get to the medical tent when she noticed someone running at her. It was Jeffrey :) Big brother had been tailing her along the route shouting encouragement and taking photos. He told her if it was just the sun not to stop. He then ran into a local toy shop and bought an umbrella with sharks on it. In work boots and jeans, he ran/speed-walked next Jessie to holding the shark umbrella over her, sporting her running fanny pack and supplying her with water along the way. Step by step, Jeffrey and Jessie moved along the 12 miles until they crossed the finish line at 7:16pm :)

That ladies and gents..is true love! A brother loving his sister so much he endures 12 miles in work boots and jeans to help her live her dream. Jeffrey, I hope you had on really good socks :)

To the big brothers (and little brothers!) of the world who push their sisters to finish races..thank you!

Xoxo!
One Teary Eyed Lemon

 

PS: See the video of Jessie and Jeffrey running here! Jessie Runs Boston

When you’re not sure what to say..

BostonStrongBanner-01

 

It’s been a year. I’ve not known what to say or how to say what I’ve wanted to say about the Boston marathon. It’s been a year of pain for many runners.

Last year my dear friend Ginger was running the Boston Marathon. She would cross the finish line 15 minutes before the bomb would explode. While we were blessed with her safety, many families were not so fortunate.

Today I saw a video that lead me to tears. It’s a tragedy this event. How do we honor those fallen but rejoice with those still here? It’s this emotional battle within us. This year my twitter buddy will be running Boston 20 weeks pregnant. I’ll be tweeting her encouragement the entire day.

 

 

On Monday, many of us in the #runchat community will be breaking company dress code in support of the runners racing. I urge you to wear your sneakers :) I’ll be wearing my Boston Strong shirt and watching the marathon online (with my boss!).

 

To all of the runners racing in honor and memory of runners fallen, run a step for me.

 

XoXo,

One Somber Lemon

Gettin’ My Summer Slim On

Well loves! It’s almost here..those glorious months of sweating, baking in the sun and blissfully wishing winter would return..SUMMER!

I’ve been doing so much better about my clean eating and working out. Yes…yes…Lemon had some issues and slacked off. But never fear! RJ has her kicking it back into full gear. He started in December and so far he’s lost 38lbs..don’t boys make you sick? I mean I’m working my tush off and only dropping .6 lbs a week. Meanwhile, RJ’s dropping 2-4lbs a week. Needless to say, I’m tired of being jelly.

So I came up with a plan today! Thanks to one of my followers and his awesome blog post, Summer Six Pack, about summer training I feel prepared to start off. I was doing most of what he’s doing but not at the same level.

Here’s my game plan for the next 8 weeks :)

 

SUMMER TRAINING

The Nom Noms

1 Main Meal (typically lunch for me) 8-16oz of meat. I don’t eat red meat so for me this is sushi grade tuna, lean chicken and turkey. Paired with romaine or kale salad, acorn squash or sweet potato.

In Between Meals: Dried fruit, Protein Shakes (1-2 scoops depending on activity level of casein protein). Your level of protein should be based on your individual needs.

 

The Workout Plan

I never workout with food in my belly. I can’t do it. It comes flying out faster than a jet plane. However, I am going to be introducing a pre-workout. I’ve been doing post-workout shakes on the regular.

Day 1 – AM – Interval Cardio • PM – HIIT

Day 2 – Abs // Steady Cardio // Arms • Chest

Day 3 – AM – Agility // PM – HIIT

Day 4 – Abs // Steady Cardio (Running)

Day 5 – AM – Interval Cardio // PM – HIIT

Day 6 – Abs // Steady Cardio // Knees

Day 7 – AM – Agility  • PM – HIIT

Steady Cardio: Running or using a cardio machine (elliptical, cross trainer, treadmill). I try to shoot for an hour.

High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT): I’m doing things like Zumba, Crossfit, walk-run, sprints, kickboxing and resting in between intervals. 30seconds to a minute depending on intensity.

#Runch: Running on your lunch break. I’m fortunate to have a decent lunch break. Depending on my pace, I can swing anywhere from a mile to a 5K, shower and be back at my desk before my lunch break is over.

 

Agility Workout

I’ve noticed I’m not as quick on my feet as I used to be so I will be adding some agility training into my “normal” routine :)

1/SHUFFLE
Stand on the left side of an eight- to 10-foot-wide room (or rug) with your feet shoulder-width apart and hands at your sides. Step to your right, first with your right foot, then with your left, repeating all the way across the room as explosively as you can. When you get within a foot of the right wall, lean to the left to shift your momentum and shuffle back. Repeat five times.

2/SQUAT THRUSTS // REPS 8 – 10
Stand with your feet together. Squat and place your palms on the floor outside your feet. With your arms mostly straight, jump your feet back into plank position. Then immediately jump your feet up between your hands and stand up.

3/LADDER DRILL //  SETS (3) //  REPS ?  //  REST (30 secs) // Works glutes, hamstrings, quads, calves
Tape a two-foot square on the floor. Straddle the box. Step quickly into the box with your right foot, followed by your left; then out with your right, and out with your left. Repeat 10 times. Switch the leading foot and do 10 more.

4/JUMP SQUAT

Place your hands behind your head, elbows out, and stand with your feet hip-width apart.Push your hips back and bend your knees until your thighs are nearly parallel to the floor, keeping your chest up. Jump as high as you can, then immediately lower into the next rep.

5/LATERAL HOP TOSS // SETS (3) // REPS (12-15) // REST (30 secs) // Works upper back, shoulders, hips, glutes, hamstrings, quads, calves

Balance a five- to eight-pound medicine ball on your left palm and stand with your feet together and your knees slightly bent. Lift your right foot about an inch behind you. Hop to your right about four feet, tossing the ball across your body and catching it in your right hand as you land on your right foot. Repeat the move to the left as quickly as possible. That’s one rep. Do three sets of 12 to 15 reps, resting for no more than 30 seconds between sets.

 

AB Workout

This video might be from the “dark ages” for some of you, but it’s by far one of the best ab sets I’ve done. You’ll see quite a difference after only a few weeks of consistency. Do go at your own pace. I tried to keep up the first time I did it and royally hurt for 3 days after that.

 

So dolls! Are you ready for summer? What kind of training are you doing? Got that beach body ready to break in the new bikini?

Xoxo!

One Slimming Down Lemon