Hellloooo Friday!

Hello Lovelies!

We did it…we made it to another Friday <3 Lots of fun things in store this weekend!

As several of you noticed I’ve been a little quiet lately. Y’all there has been so much going on…..

Just to catch you up….

#1 -The Final Countdown has begun!

I’m in my last – L_A_S_T – LAAAAAASSSSTTTT fall semester of graduate school! Thank you, thank you, no applause necessary really…actually clap your hearts out. It’s been a challenge. I’ve grown, I’ve cried, I’ve learned economics is kind of interesting, and I’ve been inspired to leap. This semester is taking some serious work and studying. So I’ve been nose in a book most nights.

#2 – I started another company.

Yeah, I know. I already have one. But after doing some market research this summer and really reviewing my company, the results told me that I needed to split it and re-brand my handmade items.

SOOOOOOO……ta da! May I introduce Southern Fields Soap Company to you :) We’re a small (as in my mom and I run the show) little company. Our mission? To bring you 90% organic and vegan body products with no harmful chemicals, toxins, colorants, or junk that hurts your skin. We grow or source our ingredients from right here in the Carolinas.

When you buy a soap from us, not only do you support our farm but other local farmers too! Our scrub sugar comes from a sweet family in North Carolina, our basil from Ovis Hill Farms, our Peppermint…grown right here on the farm, and our essential oils are 100% pure (more about that in another post!).

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• A Bar of Our Lavender Soap •

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End pieces for the scrap basket at the Market

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Eucalyptus Mint Relaxing Soak

So I’ve literally been pouring every waking hour into making products, pouring soaps, cutting soaps, working the Farmers Market, and thinking of new products for winter.

It’s been awesome! And exhausting lol. I think I’ve been running off of four hours of sleep for the last three months.

But! I love it. People are using our soaps and realizing the difference! I love hearing people say they’ve been using them for two weeks and already see a difference. <3

We’ve been going to the City Center Farmers Market in Downtown Florence on Saturdays. I love the comradeship of the merchants. They’ve been nothing but encouraging and supportive. I look forward to seeing them each weekend :)

Being a small business owner is a lot of work. It’s hard. There are nights you want to throw your hands up and quit. But hang in there! I promise it’s worth it.

#3 – Boy Dahhhhhrrraaahhhhmaaaa

So I started dating this boy in September. He was the dream ladies…lively conversationalist, proper grammar, educated, successful, loved Jesus….ahhh. I was blown away.

He was so encouraging of my little soap business and giving me ideas of how to grow it and expand it.

We went on amazing dinner dates….he brought me roses….

And then as quickly as Hurricane Matthew rolled through, he was through. No goodbye, no phone call…just ghosted me as if I didn’t exist at all.

Now y’all know I’m not one to sit around and look at my phone waiting on a boy to call. Ain’t nobody got time for that, am I right?

Well this one just got my goat. . . So after getting frustrated and worked up about it, I did what you should never do…I texted him and told him exactly what I thought of his childish, immature rude 30 yr old behavior.

His response…You’re too tall to date.

Go ahead…bust out and laugh. I did. Lol. Called my mother and told her…and she laughed then said well someone’s got a complex. Can’t momma call it?

#4 – Charley Tango

Ever look at your vehicle and wonder why you haven’t traded the dag-gum thing in yet? Oh right it’s paid off…

So far this year, Charley’s gotten new tires, new brakes, new filters, new headlights x2, new blinkers, new flashers……just keep going and you’ll get there.

He’s eaten up my truck fund and most of my savings account.

And then today I get up to go to work and he won’t start. Nope. Just sat there like I need a day off mom. Momma ain’t got time for that boo boo.

Thank goodness my dad was off work today and could work on him.

So pray the Lord drops a new to me vehicle in price range around here soon. ‘Cause the old boy is a ticking time bomb.

#5 – Exhaustion

It’s a thing. I’m well versed in it at the moment. I knew going into grad school that I wouldn’t have much of a life until it was through. But they don’t tell you how rough running two small businesses, grad school, being VP of Com for Junior League and working a 40+ hour job each week is. …. it’s sheer insanity.

So what I’ve learned is this….sleep when you can…truck naps are awesome…hammock naps are better…you can listen to grad school lectures in the shower to save time and on the way to work…you can make products while watching grey’s anatomy #multitaskingfreakingqueenbee…you will cry a lot….drink hot tea….take immupro tablets 3x a day or you will get sick….

Basically, my life is a huge ball of craziness at the moment :) But that’s what being me entails right now. Chasing a dream is just that…it’s a chase. You have to constantly push yourself. You will fall, you will fail, you will falter along the way. But you will also get back up, dust off, and succeed :)

So here’s to you my lovelies! May you chase that big scary dream, may you dust that bootie off and may you be the best most bad bootie #GirlBoss ever!

XoXo!

One Exhausted – Bootie Dustin’ #GirlBoss Lemon

Whoop….there it is…

Hello My Lovelies!

Do you ever have a Fabulous Friday and then in a matter of thirty seconds it comes crashing down?

Amazing how that happens isn’t it? Well…it happened.

I was enjoying my half day off yesterday and looking forward to my date this weekend with Montana. We had planned to go to the Big Mo drive-in movie theatre to see Jungle Book and Captain America after I got off work Saturday.

It’s been such fun with him over the last six weeks and I was excited that I FINALLY seemed to have made it past the second date disaster zone that seems to be my struggle in life. We had the best date last weekend. He and Koda came and surprised me on Sunday and we had plans for this weekend.

I have been very careful about not getting too emotionally invested.  My sister is always telling me I fall too hard and too fast for people that I need to take some lessons from the Ice Queen. I guess that’s the artist emotional side of me…but I had been mindful to guard my emotions and my heart. This was the first week I allowed myself to be happy and get a little bit excited.

I was sitting on my couch yesterday afternoon watching Chicago PD (I’m slightly obsessed with the whole Chicago series…PD, MED, Fire…) and my phone went off. I knew by the ringtone it was Montana.

Excited, I picked up my phone expecting it to be about our date tomorrow….only to read this:

Hey, I need to tell you something. Billy (bar owner of Coates) introduced me to a gal earlier this week. Her and I kind of hit it off and I don’t know…something about it seemed like a pretty good connection. I hate to do this because I enjoy our time together. But I don’t want you waiting around for me and missing out on some other guy. I’m going to see where things go with her because I feel like I can see things further down the road with her. I don’t know how to explain it to make it sound any better. Just how I feel I guess. I’m really sorry….. :(

Yeah…not what I was expecting at all.

I replied: Thanks for letting me know.

A few minutes later, I got another text telling me he just didn’t feel right not saying anything at all. He then proceeded with the whole “You’re going to find an amazing guy who will love all of the fabulous things about you. I’m just sorry it wasn’t me…”

Ha…

I wasn’t devastated but it did hurt….I cried a little….It’s been a year since MB and I broke up (crazy how time flies huh?). I’ve been very selective about who I have gone on dates with since. I wasn’t looking to have my heart broken again, but I guess that’s the risk you take when you go on a date huh?

So I did what any girl would do…went shopping…then had a tearful moment after I checked out because all I was holding was a bag of cat food and toilet paper…

Thankfully my Berkley bestie was working the bar at Longhorn and I happened to have a Darden gift card thanks to my awesome momma. So I sat at the bar (my parents would be appalled), eating chicken tenders (sometimes you just have to say screw healthy food) and watching the Braves game. Told my story to the two hilarious ladies sitting beside me who were appalled that he had texted that and laughed with them about life for awhile. The man sitting on the other side of me with his wife overheard and told me before they left that it was pretty lame and sh*** for a guy to do that and that I was better off without him.

My other bestie was sweet enough to drive back to town to sit with me for awhile. She is the best! I am thankful for her listening ear and hugs and I’m glad we are kindred spirits.

So after the tears, the anger, the what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-me moment…I realized there is nothing wrong with me. Mind boggling….

I always tend to blame myself when things go wrong. But I can’t do that. I have to accept that just because he chose that ending for our story doesn’t mean that I messed the story up.

So I think it’s time I stop trying to take control of my love story and let God do His thing. It is the one area in my life that I struggle to give Him complete control. I want it to happen now. I love my single life. I love the things He allows me to do, but I want to share that with someone. I want to have my own family to come home to at the end of the day. I want the kind of love my grandparents shared for 55 years.

So thanks Montana for reminding me that what I want, wasn’t what I had.

XoXo!

One Sweatpants Wearing Lemon

 

High Five for Friday!

Hey Lovelies :)

It’s Friday! Finally…whew this week has been crazy :) Taking a break to tell you five things I’m giving a high five this week!

 

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Grad school is going well! I was really worried about that this semester :) But so far Lemon is hanging in there, and confident about the material.

 

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Flowers :) I’ve got the most beautiful vase of roses from a very special guy hanging out on my kitchen counter :)

 

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My Bible study girls :) We’re working our way through Keep It Shut, and y’all..it’s been a slap to my face, a step on my toes. I’ve begun to realize how much my mouth says…

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My puppy barked this week! That was a huge moment for us :) After 30 days of silence, I think she is finally feeling safe enough to use her voice.

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Matthew (aka the prince in my previous post) asked me if we could be “official”. I’m going to enjoy being his girlfriend…(can I have a mini girl moment and give a high pitch squeal?) I’m very excited to be dating such an amazing guy!

 

That’s my High Five for Friday! What’s been good in your life this week? I’d love to know :)

 

XoXo,

One Fabulous Lemon

High Five for Friday..not feeling it today..

It’s Friday..whew..I made it. This week has been a struggle my lovelies. I’ve had to apologize to multiple people for my attitude and rudeness. I’m tired, I’m stressed out, I’m broken..yep broken. I feel like I fell off of a cliff and smashed into the water.

These past six weeks of talking with James have been amazing..I was finally beginning to think that maybe..just maybe..I had finally stumbled upon a man who knew how to treat a lady. We’ve been on several dates now..Last weekend we went to dinner and I have never had more fun or been treated as nicely as I was that night. All week he had been excitedly talking to me and counting down the days until he got to see me. FYI: we live 2.5 hours apart. He picked me up, he opened the car door, he opened the restaurant door, he guided me with a hand on my lower back..all the little things that make my heart skip beats. I wore my favorite dress, I had on wedges (which he loved) and  he made me feel like I was the only girl in the room. He looked so dashing in his button down shirt and dark jeans.

Dinner was wonderful :) He took me to a quaint restaurant off the beaten path that only locals go to. It was once an old post office and is now a refurbished post office turned restaurant. He had made a reservation, we had a wonderful table..it was the stuff a girl dreams about. We ate dinner by candle light..and I must say it was probably the most romantic dinner date I’ve ever gone on in my life. We ordered our dinner and chatted the night away. After dinner, he said he wasn’t ready for the night to end so we simply drove around Charleston looking at the lights and talking. He dropped me off with a goodnight beautiful and a kiss.

Sunday morning I woke up to a text message from James asking me if I was awake..at 5am. I replied back that I was and he said good, throw your hair up in that messy thing you do and let’s go eat waffles. At first I wanted to respond and say I really need a shower and time to fix my makeup/hair..but then I realized something…I’m a messy bun kinda girl. If my sister and I were going to breakfast at 5am, I would have done just that..thrown my hair up, put a hoodie on and rolled out the door. So that’s exactly what I did :) Put my hair up, pulled on a hoodie and said alright let’s go. There is something wonderful about a guy who lets you be yourself..the girl that likes to dress up and go to fancy restaurants and the girl who loves waffles and eggs at 5am. Breakfast was crazy fun. Really relaxed.. James took me to another hole-in-the-wall place and we laughed and had the best time over syrupy waffles and eggs (waffles are the way to my heart..). We talked until it was time for me to go help my sister move into CSU (she’s a big senior this year!) and I didn’t think anything was amiss. He hugged me, said he couldn’t wait to see me again, kissed me and said he’d call me later that night.

That was five days ago..not a text, not a call, nothing since. So all of these feelings of doubt and insecurity have come sweeping back in. What did I do wrong, how did I mess it up, why am I so stupid when it comes to boys..and the list goes on. It’s hard..hard to realize that someone might not feel the same way about you that you do about them (this girl is in pretty crazy like of this handsome Marine). I was so careful..careful to guard my little heart because it was afraid of this very thing..being trampled on again. I thought maybe this time it would be different. He’s older, more mature, has his life together..but I guess I was wrong…

I’m okay with a guy changing his mind about how he feels about you..but I’d like the courtesy of an acknowledgement about it. Please just politely call a girl and say..hey, these past few weeks have been great, but I don’t think this relationship is something I’d like to pursue. To me that is painful to hear, but I respect a man who shows a woman such  courtesy. Instead of blowing her off like she’s nothing…because I am not nothing…I am something.

These feeling of insecurity have been a battle this week. It’s something I have to work hard at. Being confident, strong and independent take work for me. I never want to be the “victim”..I was one once..and I never want to be in that dark place again…but this feels a whole lot like it…I was talking with my best friend Payden about it the other night..and he said something very profound: “Sounds like he’s not interested.” It hit me like a wall of brick. It hurt..I’ve invested 6 weeks of meaningful, personal conversation and several dates. But I realized I had two choices..I could be devastated about this..which I kind of am…or I can remember that I’ve lived 26 years of my life without this man in it and I was just fine.

Now, if I’m wrong..someone comment back and let me know…But for now, I’ll take 5 days of absolutely no contact as his way of saying: “I’m not interested”. To answer the question of have I shown interest, yes, I have. However, I have been letting James initiate conversation. He’s been texting first, he’s been calling… I want to be pursued..I am not going to chase a man.

On top of dealing with all of these feelings of insecurity, which anger me, everyday I have to make myself look in the mirror (which I hate) and remember that I am a very accomplished 26 yr old female. I graduated from high school early with two diplomas, graduated from college with honors and two diplomas, have traveled the world, speak multiple languages..but at the end of the day…I’m still a lonely little girl hiding from the world between the pages of a book. I’ve been to counseling, I’ve tried joining new groups, making new friends, filling every hour of my day with something…but it still doesn’t take this cloak of loneliness away.

I have all these feelings running through my head and my heart 24/7..it’s like a bad dream you can’t wake up from..and the stress eating away at me. Work has been insane..I’ve felt like I couldn’t breathe all week. I love my job, I couldn’t ask for a better one..but this week it’s been a challenge to pull into work and put on a happy face. I don’t feel happy. I don’t want to act happy. I don’t want people to ask me how I am..because they really don’t care..they don’t. Have you ever noticed that if someone asks you how you are and you say you’re ok..they say that’s good and keep on walking? NO ONE CARES. I’ve sat in my office for five days, working extremely hard to get things done on time, coming in early and leaving late, listening to my music wishing for 5pm to get here faster. For the most part it’s like I live in a bubble for 8+ hours a day. It’s just me and music. There’s no one to eat lunch with because after being rejected invitation after invitation, I just stopped asking people. So I run. A lot. So hard that I can’t feel my legs. For an hour each day..it’s just me and my Nike’s killing pavement. Because it’s the only time I don’t feel alone…I feel alive.

Compound the stress of remodeling a house, packing to move, the whole James thing, loneliness and add graduate school onto it. Grad school has started and I’m loving/hating it all at the same time. I’m thankful I have an amazing best friend going through the program with me. He’s going to be my saving grace and I’m very well going to be his. I love Payden because he’s real. What you see is what you get. He took me to dinner after class Wednesday night so we could work on homework and looked at me. When I asked him why he was looking at me, he said tell me what’s wrong. He’s the only person this week that’s realized something was going on. It was refreshing to just talk. We talked until they kicked us out of the restaurant and then just sat in the parking lot talking and working on homework.

They should call grad school “sleep deprivation for the next two years of your life”. I have no idea how some of the people in my class do this. They have families, little children and full-time jobs. I’m single, have no kids (except a furry one), work full-time, coach and it’s kicking my butt. I fell asleep on my laptop the other night. I haven’t gone to bed until 1 or 2am every night trying to stay caught up on my homework and get ahead. Some nights I feel as if I’m reading Greek..but so far I’ve made all A’s on my assignments. So that’s been a positive this week.

All this to say..I’m having a really bad Friday and don’t want to give it a high five..but I’m going to make myself…here goes..

1 – I’m excited I’m actually finally in the MBA program. That in itself was a pretty big accomplishment for me :)

2 – I’m thankful I finally had one romantic dinner date.

3 – I’m excited that I finally get to move into my house this weekend :)

4 – I’m thankful for a brother that helps his sister paint her new house into the late hours of the night and helps her with accounting homework. One who forgives her when she takes out her anger at life out on him..one who hugs her and tells her she’s got this.

5 – I’m thankful that I have Monday off and can sleep all day if I want to.

 

So high-five for Friday finally being here :) What are you up to this holiday weekend my lovelies?

 

XoXo,

One Teary Eyed Lemon