Hello My Lovelies!
Do you ever have a Fabulous Friday and then in a matter of thirty seconds it comes crashing down?
Amazing how that happens isn’t it? Well…it happened.
I was enjoying my half day off yesterday and looking forward to my date this weekend with Montana. We had planned to go to the Big Mo drive-in movie theatre to see Jungle Book and Captain America after I got off work Saturday.
It’s been such fun with him over the last six weeks and I was excited that I FINALLY seemed to have made it past the second date disaster zone that seems to be my struggle in life. We had the best date last weekend. He and Koda came and surprised me on Sunday and we had plans for this weekend.
I have been very careful about not getting too emotionally invested. My sister is always telling me I fall too hard and too fast for people that I need to take some lessons from the Ice Queen. I guess that’s the artist emotional side of me…but I had been mindful to guard my emotions and my heart. This was the first week I allowed myself to be happy and get a little bit excited.
I was sitting on my couch yesterday afternoon watching Chicago PD (I’m slightly obsessed with the whole Chicago series…PD, MED, Fire…) and my phone went off. I knew by the ringtone it was Montana.
Excited, I picked up my phone expecting it to be about our date tomorrow….only to read this:
Hey, I need to tell you something. Billy (bar owner of Coates) introduced me to a gal earlier this week. Her and I kind of hit it off and I don’t know…something about it seemed like a pretty good connection. I hate to do this because I enjoy our time together. But I don’t want you waiting around for me and missing out on some other guy. I’m going to see where things go with her because I feel like I can see things further down the road with her. I don’t know how to explain it to make it sound any better. Just how I feel I guess. I’m really sorry….. :(
Yeah…not what I was expecting at all.
I replied: Thanks for letting me know.
A few minutes later, I got another text telling me he just didn’t feel right not saying anything at all. He then proceeded with the whole “You’re going to find an amazing guy who will love all of the fabulous things about you. I’m just sorry it wasn’t me…”
I wasn’t devastated but it did hurt….I cried a little….It’s been a year since MB and I broke up (crazy how time flies huh?). I’ve been very selective about who I have gone on dates with since. I wasn’t looking to have my heart broken again, but I guess that’s the risk you take when you go on a date huh?
So I did what any girl would do…went shopping…then had a tearful moment after I checked out because all I was holding was a bag of cat food and toilet paper…
Thankfully my Berkley bestie was working the bar at Longhorn and I happened to have a Darden gift card thanks to my awesome momma. So I sat at the bar (my parents would be appalled), eating chicken tenders (sometimes you just have to say screw healthy food) and watching the Braves game. Told my story to the two hilarious ladies sitting beside me who were appalled that he had texted that and laughed with them about life for awhile. The man sitting on the other side of me with his wife overheard and told me before they left that it was pretty lame and sh*** for a guy to do that and that I was better off without him.
My other bestie was sweet enough to drive back to town to sit with me for awhile. She is the best! I am thankful for her listening ear and hugs and I’m glad we are kindred spirits.
So after the tears, the anger, the what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-me moment…I realized there is nothing wrong with me. Mind boggling….
I always tend to blame myself when things go wrong. But I can’t do that. I have to accept that just because he chose that ending for our story doesn’t mean that I messed the story up.
So I think it’s time I stop trying to take control of my love story and let God do His thing. It is the one area in my life that I struggle to give Him complete control. I want it to happen now. I love my single life. I love the things He allows me to do, but I want to share that with someone. I want to have my own family to come home to at the end of the day. I want the kind of love my grandparents shared for 55 years.
So thanks Montana for reminding me that what I want, wasn’t what I had.
One Sweatpants Wearing Lemon