To All My Single Ladies….

Hello My Lovelies!

How are you my darlings? I’m better! I’ve dried my sniffles, thrown out the empty gelato containers and dusted my Cheetos covered booty off.  Whew. Breakups suck! Really…they do. I don’t know how you handle them but for me..it’s Netflix and running, chocolate and tea, and a whole lot of nose blowing.

I’m six weeks back into the land of “single” and not quite to the “singe and ready to mingle” stage. But as I’ve been entering back into my single lady life, I’ve been astonished at some things I’ve heard and seen. We live in a society that beats single girls up. My goodness..it’s like they think there is something wrong with us.

It seems like the older I get the more people begin to think of you differently if you’re not “in a relationship”. Why does our society alienate successful, independent single women? Why do they constantly make us feel inferior to the stay-at-home moms of the world?

Let me tell you a secret my dears….there is NOTHING wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. There is NOTHING wrong with being alone. And why should we settle for guys who lack emotional empathy, who don’t make us a priority, and who don’t have an ambition in life? We shouldn’t! And society can kiss grits. They shouldn’t negate our choice to wait for the guy who has 86 out of 86 qualities on our list. (Yes, I have a list…do you have a list?)

But there is a part of being single that gets me…. it’s single’s little friend loneliness. I’ve come to learn a few things during the last five weeks of life post-MB.

1 – Being “alone” does not equal loneliness.

Loneliness is a choice. It’s a state of mind and has nothing to do with the amount of people around you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood in a room, completely surrounded by people and felt entirely lonely. So often, I feel like I’m invisible. If you read my blog post at the beginning of the year you might remember that it was one of my goals this year to stop being invisible. (I’m so good at it though!! They should make me a spy or something…) But I’ve learned that if people around me don’t understand, appreciate, or love me – I might as well be alone. But don’t be hasty! Do not confuse a girl’s marital status with her ability to connect and spend time with people.

2 – There is something special about a girl who can enjoy the company of her self.

As women, we are often identified by our roles.

 

Don’t get me wrong. Being a sister, a daughter, a graphic designer, and a friend are all important roles. But, they should not define ME, because those roles can change at any time in my life. Spending time alone allows you the time to discover whom you are deep down inside, outside of the roles you hold.

This is sooooo important! Because let’s face it. As women, we carry weight. The weight of our families, the weight of our jobs, the weight of our children, we do work ladies!

As a happy healthy single woman, I’m not desperately seeking “a relationship”. Neither and I seeking the company of the first guy who approaches me. As healthy single girls, we understand that this is a valuable time of our life! I may soon not have time like this again. It’s a chapter we should relish and enjoy, instead of loathe.  Because let’s be real…you marry prince charming, you have his baby…and you lose the time you have to discover who you are and your alone time is condensed to those five minutes in the shower while praying the baby doesn’t wake up.  Our time become somewhat non-existent.

There are several reasons I envy married women, and there are several reasons I do not.

Would I love to be married someday? You better believe it! Do I see the joy and benefits of having a happy hubby to come home to at the end of the day? I do. But I also have been thrown head first into the deep end of the other side. I’ve seen the burdens women carry. I’ve seen the pain of a marriage dissolving. I’m willing to welcome the joy and the pain, but right now I’m in no hurry to rush it. Society can just get over their social “norms”.

There’s this misguided notion/misconception that single women do not like couples.

BONK! So false. The healthy happy single woman is not hunting for “your man” and we are not bitter that you have a man (okay the mast majority of us aren’t..there are a few..). It’s the same way that a married woman or a taken woman can be happy for others. Being single DOES NOT equate to being bitter. (Read about Ruth..she rocked being a single widow.)

Why do I love being single?  Solitude allows me the time to discover what my true values are, and see things at a deeper level. It helps me tap into the things that are really important in my life.

My goal as a single woman is to not getting caught up on the small things. I want to use this chapter of my life to the best of my ability. I’m just trying to be around positive people with good vibes :)

Overall, the truth of the matter is this: Single women are single because they want to be. Some may want the companionship of a man, but we are not settling. It does not mean we have unrealistic standards. It just means our time has not come yet. Does society ever judge the single “dudes”? Nope. They commend them for making it to 30 and not “settling” down. Humph…

So my lovelies! Don’t let society push you into believing the stereotypes and the misconceptions of being a single woman.

Instead, take this time, this chapter to get to know the people around you for who they are. Surround yourself with joyful people, and you my dear will be a joy to be around :)

 

So you’re trucking along in this single chapter, here’s a note of love. DO NOT…I repeat….DO NOT feel pressured to explain your relationship status to anyone. Honestly, it’s none of their business. Just enjoy this chapter. Enjoy time. There will come a time in your life when you won’t be able to dash out and grab coffee with your girls. If you decided you want to change your relationship status do so, but do it at your own pace. At the end of the day we have to be happy with our lives. So my lovelies, DO NOT feel guilty, pressured or ashamed. You are BEAUTIFUL!

Love,

One Happy Single Lemon

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