Hi Lovelies :)
This week God has constantly been reminding me how worthy I am of His love. For so long, I’ve felt broken and ugly..How could He want something so broken? He reminded me. Because I AM WORTHY. Worthy! I don’t often feel like I am..but as I continue to work my way through our Bible Study, I see assurances. He showed me in Psalm 139 that I am worthy….I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of a Father whose love NEVER changes. He cares for me, loves me, and I can always depend on his truth and not this roller coaster of feelings life throws me.
Last year was a roller coaster for me. I bought a house, remodeled a house, coached too much, stretched myself thin, struggled desperately in my first semester of graduate school, and wondered why no one loved me. I felt worthless. Rejected. Discarded.
As I battled through those fickle feelings, God was constantly drawing me closer to Him. You are beautiful my darling, He said. You are captivating, He whispered. How my heart longed to be those things. As I dug back into His word, I realized how I had failed to invest time into my relationship with Him. I had been going to church and reading my Bible, but somewhere in the chaos of my life…I had lost those still quiet moments with my Father.
The amazing thing…no matter how far I run, how little I invest, my Father stands there waiting with open arms when I need to run back to Him. Broken relationships can break a woman. I had been holding so tightly onto my heart for fear it would get broken again. Trust me, He whispered.
Tears filled my eyes. Never would my heavenly Father disappoint me. I slowly opened my hands and gave him the thing I treasure the most, my heart.
I had lost the girl I used to be. The one who loved Jesus with her every breath. The world holds no hope for me. The evil that seeps from it threatened to destroy me. I let go of all the hurt, anxiety, the layers of regret, the shame and embraced His love and the healing began.
I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am captivating. I am His.
There is power in the word of the Lord. He took my chaos and turned it into peace. He took my broken heart and made it new. He blessed me with the most amazing gift of all, His love.
I had one more thing clutched tightly in my hand..the reigns to my love story. But I was tired. Tired of looking for this fabled love. Tired. I turned back to my Father and said here, take these. I released the control that I had so tightly held for the last year.
I’ve often joked with my mom that I wished God would just drop a guy in my life and say, Hey Kat…here he is. I don’t know why I’m so surprised that He did just that. This new chapter in my life is amazing :)
All of those hopes, dreams and wishes I had been quietly recording in my journal for years are coming true. I can’t begin to tell you what a blessing having MB in my life is. I am amazed everyday at the beauty of his heart and his sweet smile. He reminds me so very often of how amazing I am. I am, I’ve realized, amazing. For the first time in my life, I’m embracing the beauty of what makes me…me. I should be amazing, I’m created in the image of a the most beautiful thing in the world, my heavenly Father. I thank Him daily for this six-foot five heap of blessing He’s brought into my life. I’m amazed at how intent MB is on pursuing my heart. He reminded me again last night that he’s not done with my heart to sit back and enjoy the journey.
This weekend we enter the next phase of our story. He’s meeting with my dad and praying for his blessing to pursue me. In another week, I meet his mom. I am constantly praying that I will be as much of a blessing to this man as he is to me. I am nervous to meet his mom! But so thankful she raised her son into this wonderful man of God. I couldn’t ask for anything more :)
Life is beautiful!
One Worthy Lemon